death reminder

need to tell myself that I can't expect anyone, not even my sisters, to fit in the shoes you left behind. No matter how much I want someone to hear me rant and replace your place, they won't. Nobody will ever. There will be times I wonder how you are doing right now. Having someone you love dearly dead will push you closer to Allah. Remembering death and trying to imagine the life our loved ones are having right now. Are they being punished, questioned by the Angels of Death? Are they scared and alone in the dark? I'll kneel down and out my hands up. Begging for Him to have mercy on my mother. My dear mother, and to protect her from the fire of Hell, the misery of the underworld. There is a hole inside in my heart and I wish somebody tell me how to fill in this gap. Ya Rabb, aren't you supposed to replace whatever you took with something better? Is that even possible? There is nothing I want to do, rather than sleep. Sleep and not wake up.

This is a cry for help. Don't tell me I dont reach out. I do.....You just dont listen.