how following the flow can be fatal

i've always known that being grateful is the master key to being happy

and every time someone ask my plan in 5 years to come,

I'm so inclined to answer "to be happy" but come on, no recruiter wants to hear that

yikes, even none recruiter pun taknak dengar tu- it's just so cringey isnt it?

but it's the truth..i just want to be happy and grateful with what I have and what I lost

I want to be grateful with how I'm living my life these days

i want to be grateful with what He is withholding from me

I want to be grateful for the people I cross paths with 

and the people who are no longer in my life

I want to be grateful

and so, I want to be happy

I want to feel useful, to myself, to my religion, to the community

I want to feel content and I want to STOP feeling lost

Sometimes i feel the prayers arent enough to keep me grounded

and so I started to feel angry..but to whom??

to whom am I mad at?

isnt me the one who has the power and responsibility to write my story..?

So if the storyline is not to my liking, then to whom shall be blamed? if not me?

Those nights I ask these questions and I myself answer them, it's easier to just pull the blanket and close my eyes

and drift into the blank and just sleep it away

it's sad, when sleep is the only thing I wake up for everyday.