it's true when they said you'll learn more about yourself when you're only with you.
when you're alone
and you're alone with Him.

i learn that i like being alone sometimes
no, not alone
i like doing things on my own
i don't like people depending on me
but sometimes, it feels good to know someone rely on me.. hm

i like doing groceries on my own
i like shopping on my own
i like the idea of being completely free from
any obligations
or any pressure

i like the freedom

yes,
thats it.
I like being free
free from shackles of wrong obligations
free from making others happy
free from any prioritisation except mine and me only
free from ..judgements.
thats it,
free from judgements
free from having to bear with others' opinion
free from worrying what others think of me
free from their talk and disagreements

i am free
and i like it

i like it here...to be free from everyone

I can do what i want, when i want to do it
and how i want it to be done
i can go shopping one whole stupid day without buying anything
and have nobody to lecture me on that

i can go groceries shopping slowly
taking my time to decide what to cook and what that is
without anyone judging my skill

i can go wander off without having to ensure
someone is okay walking that distance

i can ride on any bus i want to wherever i want
without having to make sure nobody feels financially burdened by what i want

i can do literally...whatever i want
and i really really am in love with this life rn.

thank you allah.




but, despite how i fancy my life right now,
please don't let me get too drowned in alone-ness
for too long
afraid that i lose confidence in people
afraid that i will refuse to get out of my world
to meet others
afraid i will get carried away..spending my years alone

i.....i hope for the best as You only You what is the best
and i know this is the best for now.
thank you allah.