ramadhan al kareem everyone. Tonight I'm writing about this one feeling that has been gnawing inside me..
it's about seeing the people that had always been so strong...starting to show signs of weakness..

i do regret those years ive been away for 5 years
i do regret of letting the walls built between us
i do regret of just going with the flow
and not seeing how time is irreversible
all those time i was busy studying, busy sleepover-ing
busy celebrating...
you guys were there..watching..watching me grow
grow from a loving sweet girl into a...cold person..
I'm  not sure, but do you notice that we- i, grow apart from you guys?
do you notice I'm  becoming a stranger to the family..
do you notice i don't remmber your anniversary..?
do you notice how i don't share with you guys..
or were you guys too busy to notice me..?
:-(

now that I'm  more matured than before; i realise
no matter how mad i am at you guys..no matter how i find it hard to accept 'this',
i will always bear the responsibility of taking care of you.
taking care of yr heart- and health.
and i know i am not doing a good job.

now ramadhan is here, september is near.
and, insyaAllah i will be flying away,
and again, i am going to be far
far from you guys

one thing i ask o Allah,
keep them for me.
if You're taking them away,
please let me be here
if You're planning to test them,
please let me be here
i don't know how, but You know how.
I just want to be here for them.

I know the anger inside me has not dim yet
but i will try
try to accept and .. learn.
so i will not repeat these mistakes, to my children one day.
I will pay attention to them
i will converse and talk with them
I will make sure theyre happy
and that they are not afraid to talk to me
i don't want them to be afraid of me
i will be fair
i know money is vital to survive, but i do not want money and weatlh
taking power of myself
i do not want to forget how to love
to love myself, myfamily and the people around me


i know aging is absolute and death is a no question.
and i want to make full use of this life you grant me.
let me Allah, let me and help me.