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i've always been afraid. 

afraid of wht people say abt me. 

afraid of what they think of me. 

afraid that they'll judge me ...

i never thought i was that kind of a girl..

but i began to realise how i am too cautious in living ..

but i don't want to do things that is not me. 

i don't want to fake my friendliness justso  that ppl like me 

if they don't like me being shy and non talkative...then they just don't like me. 

rather than i fake being interested in them..and make small talks and send emojis and uses love all over the whatsapp chat...

thats not me

and it's tiring to fake it. 

ive tried it. 

once when i hated myself. 

but when i am being myself, 

nobody likes me. 

nobody love me 

nobody find me attractive. 

and ppl describe me being a confident girl. 

when deep inside.....

..there are times i don't believe in myself 

there are times i hate myself 

there are times i think i am never enough for anyone 

thts why i am alone ..

and when i express my insecurities, 

they roll their eyes at me 

they must've been thinking that i am hust seeking for attention

when in reality, i was seeking for love :-( 

is that too much to ask?