Friday, June 5, 2015

Assalamualaikum and bismillah. 

What happened to me to move on,

1. Know everything. Know all of the secrets he kept from you. Know his routine with the new one. Know how deeply in love she is with what used to be yours. 

2. Cry. Cry of anger. Cry of misery. Cry of sadness. Cry and shout. Hurt yourself. Feel the pain. Absorb it with all of your heart. Write it out. Blame others. Blame people. Blame yourself blame yourself blame yourself. 

3. Question everything. Think out of what you're capable of.  Believe that you're going crazy. Curl up on the floor at the corner and bang your head hard just to get the reality out of your memory. Wish for amnesia. Pray for the end. Regret all of your past decisions. 

4.  Enough is enough 

5.  Stand up and delete sad songs and "your" songs from your playlist. Stop listening to sad songs. Search Youtube for Miss Moving On, Sleazy, Sarah Evans, Rascal Flatts. Delete James Bay, remove The Script , stop listening to I Won't Give Up and Don't Let Me Go. Stop rereading diaries. Stop flipping through the album of your pictures together. Stop reminiscing and wishing for the past. 

6. Seek advices, Indulge yourself in Yasmin Mogahed's book and understand Islam better. Try to be nearer to The Creator. Seek His help. Only His help is capable of bringing you out of the blackhole. 

7.  Hold on to hope and don't give up on Him. Pray pray pray and tell Him how you feel. 

8. Be happy that he is happy. Be happy that He is freeing you from your false attachment. Depend on what is eternal. Learn to rely on Him and on Him only. Don't look for a replacement , indeed believe that there is one awaiting after you complete mending your heart and filling them with real love of Allah. 

Alhamdulillah, now I am capable of seeing the greener side of my world. I'm not saying Ive recovered completely but I am surely stronger than ever. Everyone will get lost in dunia and eventually Allah will help us in ways we taught are punishments. He is not punishing me, He is indeed freeing me from making myself- my heart- a slave to this dunia. Hence He made me believe I've broke my heart by losing that one person I loved too much. When all this while, it was Him I was supposed to depend on and love the most. It was Him I am supposed to prioritise. And I made a mistake. Now i'm given a chance to repair myself. 

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