Like now is the perfect time to drop apl the nonsense and start being a grown up. To stop doing stupid stuffs. To stop unwanted feelings and to finally, admit you're a sinner?
But when you try try try and try to change, it's just so so hard. And in the darkness you realise you do not have any friend who understand you, who can hear you, who can comfort you and tellyou that you're strong enough to change. Someone who's there for you. You don't have them. You're alone. That time, you remembered Allah and He is willing to accept you who had been lost all this while. The tears you shed, the tears you cried. You cried every night and prayed for strength. You prayed hard for imaaan. And you were so determined to change. And all of a sudden, someone said something and you doubt your decision. You became unsure if that was the right thing. Or the wrong thing. You can't decide what will make you happy. Pretending to be in a sinful happiness or to pursue real joy in the midst of pain and fear. You were as confused as a child. You felt fragile and broken. You felt like you're so wrong and your heart ache. You were so delicate. And you dont know who to turn to. You were lost again.